Years of games, lessons, trials and tests and I have never really put much thought into relationships as a whole. I guess I’ve always had so much success finding women I could be with (and sometimes have) but not wanted to, I just went about my daily business without ever giving the subject much thought. And as only recently have I questioned my desires with women, I have been inspired and found myself doing much more analytical thinking on the subject. Hell courses on relationships should be mandatory at college, it might change the way people interact with each other later in life for the better. But then again perhaps the subject is so practical you can never really understand until you’ve been there, done it, and handled the emotions and cost. Have you ever had one of those conversations with friends where you discuss the futility of relationships? It’s a topic that seems to come up quite often with new friends. Some people believe you just settle down, some believe in love at first sight, some think you’ll always get bored or fear things becoming to mechanical and convincing such people that settling or meeting someone is just too far ‘out there’. Do you believe in true love? I know I do, and my personal opinion as antagonistic as it may seem, is that anyone who doesn’t just hasn’t been there yet.
There are so many posts and blogs on the internet about love. Some people are being philosophical or reflecting on their recent thoughts and experiences, and some are moaning about their current relationships or tom & jerry escapade. I feel it’s about time I added to the fold of crap on the internet with some of my thoughts, and see if anyone could ever understand my frame of mind.
Yes, I am going to be sexist throughout my rant. Our experiences and thoughts about relationships are very one sided. We have only ever experienced anything as our own sex and Men and Women ARE different. It is only natural to classify my thoughts as those of a ‘Man’ in the relationship and not just ‘the other partner’.
Firstly, something that really bugs me that men do. And I’m sure women do this too, hell I know they do, but it’s the men I know best and resulting issues that aggravate me. Stop seeing women as the same species, or expecting to find a woman ‘just like you’. Firstly, perfect partners are not necessarily those who are exactly alike. She needs to be the ying to your yang! No, your woman won’t always understand you, she won’t always say or do exactly what you think she should, it won’t always work and you will fight! Just accept the inevitable and try and accept them for who they are and not what you want them to be.
Competition is inherently inefficient. Both sides would sooner give the other guy FALSE information, than tell them the truth. So what happens?Each side wastes time reinventing the wheel, instead of inventing something to put on top of the wheel.
Why do co-workers refuse to help each other?Idiot competition for raises and promotions.Not only do they hold their co-workers back, they also hold their entire company back. Civilization was NOT founded on competition. It was founded on COOPERATION.Racists, autocrats, and capitalists have all been fooled by the lamest misinterpretation of Darwinism.
Relationships are difficult and can become infinitely complex. Hell sometimes paradoxes seem to form between you and your partner. With that in mind I suggest there is no master, and I’m not going to pretend I know anything you don’t or haven’t already thought about at one point or another. It’s not like throwing a house-party or knowing how to market your business. And so I stop there. However, sexual relations and ‘meeting women’ is a different game altogether. And I would like to rant a bit about some of my recent thoughts and experiences, and what I’ve been reading on many of your blogs! Some you’ll agree with, some you won’t. That’s the nature of individuality! For those of you who are bored already… here’s something to entertain you.
I’m going to start with a tip: Don’t listen to a woman when she tells you what she wants from a man. As a man, the most fatal flaws you can make in the game (besides forgetting to take your socks off in the sack) is actually believing women want what they say they want. And yes, it is a game.
Women say that they want a guy who’s funny. And of course that’s true but does it really help you? Either your funny or you’re not. Sure a woman wants someone who’s funny - everybody gets fat, bald and wrinkly eventually so you might as well be with a man who’s going to give you a naked picture of himself for your birthday every year you’re together, even long after it stops being funny, but because he continues to do it year after year after year it gets funny again.
We have to divide women’s wants into two categories to get anywhere close to understanding why we succeed/fail in given situations: elementary and ephemeral.
The desire for a mate with a sense of humour is an elementary want. As the name implies, it is basic, inherent, and practically indisputable. Other elementary wants is a man who is capable of providing stability, a comfortable life, and non-retarded children. Of course being physically attractive, respectful and caring would also fall into this category.
But when you meet a woman, elementary wants are difficult to manipulate to your advantage because it can be hard to appeal to those elementary wants in such a short time. Often you only have seconds, or a few minutes with a person before you’ll decide whether or not you’re going to keep talking to each other. And if you’re anything like I am, there’s a good chance you’ll be quite drunk at the time! So while it can be done, there has to be an easier way right?
If we focus on a woman’s ephemeral wants we are being much more logical. We’re looking at what she wants from her night (and what we want, so we’re already having more fun!). Is it a girl’s night out? Does she just want to get drunk? Is she looking to get laid? By assessing where she’s coming from, it might make approaching her easier, and you can approach people who are already more attractive to you and looking for the same thing.
That said however there is a desire which fits both categories: the want to be wanted. And that’s what it’s all about! From the moment we arrive on earth, we are looking for love, searching for something to project our feelings onto but at the same time gives us that warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Whether it’s as a baby or as a 20-something downing Mojitos in Fantasy Bar - we just want to be loved.
Q: Now, armed with the knowledge that all anyone - man or woman - wants is to be wanted, what should you do? A: Completely fucking ignore that desire
With this in mind, instead of being the "trying to hard funny guy who desperately trying to work into the conversation his stupid fucking website" we’re already thinking with a little more style.
[going up to bar to order drink next to Girl] Me: [abrupt] "What’s up?" Girl: "Hi." Me: [rolling eyes] "Whatever." [walks to other side of bar to order drink]
I dare you to try it, and if you can pull it off I reckon you’ll be making out with her before the call for last orders.
In an environment in which people are drinking, being agreeable elicits no reaction. Being a dick elicits an often visceral reaction… so we’re already on the right track. Isn’t any sort of gut reaction better than indifference? In the industry we’d clock this as similar to “no press is bad press”.
Forget all the mumbo jumbo when you’re at a bar. Everyone wants to be wanted. By showing disinterest you only pique interest which can then be used to your advantage. I’m not claiming this is groundbreaking here - it’s pretty much textbook manipulation. Oh, and if this actually works for anyone… please let me know. :D. Stories are welcome in my e-mail anytime, hell I’ll buy you a drink just for trying it!
Of course, remember to appeal to the other wants later, or you’ll find yourself in trouble further down the line!
